WHEN TRADE WAS SLOW

AUSSIE OUTBACK TOILET

                  Only those who have used an outside toilet will appreciate this.

The service station trade was slow

The owner sat around,

With sharpened knife and cedar stick

Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they there,

The log across the rill

Led to a shack, marked His and Hers

That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies lavatory, sir?"

The owner leaning back,

Said not a word but whittled on,

And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there

But only stayed a minute,

Until she screamed, just like a snake

Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face

She bounded through the door,

And headed quickly for the car

Just like three Sheila's did before.

She missed the foot bridge - jumped the stream

The owner gave a shout,

As her silk stockings, down at her knees

Caught on an acacia sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up, and then

In obvious disgust,

Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,

And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know

What made the gals all do

The things they did, and then we found

The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised

To make the thing complete,

He tied a speaker on the wall

Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the dams got set

And then the devilish tike,

Would stop his whittling long enough,

To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below

Struck terror, fright and fear,

"Will you please use the other hole,

We're painting under here!"

More of the above in this great book

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