Tuesday, 11 September 2012

THANK YOU FOR CALLING


Your call is important to us

“Thank you for calling the XYZ Phone Company. Please select from one of the following: If you owe us money, please press 1 now; if we owe you money, please press 2 some other time; if you are calling about a broadband issue, please press 3 now; if you are calling about your mobile phone, please press 4 now; if you are calling about a landline issue, please press 5 now; if you are calling to complain about our service or a member of our staff, please press 6 some other time; if you wish to speak to one of our friendly customer service operators, please press 7 now.”

“Thank you for wanting to speak with one of our friendly customer service operators. All our friendly customer service operators are currently busy on other friendly customer related matters, which are none of your business. So please hold and one of our friendly customer service operators will be with you shortly.”
“Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us and if your call is important to you, you will continue holding until we get to you, which will be in approximately fifteen to forty-five minutes. You are currently number twenty-six in the queue.”

“Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. Your call is being recording for training purposes, security purposes and so that everyone except you will know what has been said and what has not been said during this call, for which we thank you for calling the XYZ Phone Company.”

“Thank you for calling the XYZ Phone Company and thank you for continuing to hold. An operator will be with you in approximately thirty minutes to one hour. You have now moved to number forty-nine in line, on the line, to speak to an operator. The operator that had you at number number twenty-six in the queue has gone to lunch and your call has been transferred to another operator’s queue. Please continue to hold and that operator will be with you as soon as she has come back from the bathroom and taken forty-eight other calls.”

“Thank you for calling the XYZ Phone Company. Your call is important to us. While you are waiting for our operator we have a selection of music for you to select from. Please press 8 if you would like to listen to For Ever and Ever. Please press 9 if you would like to listen to Life Gets Tedious, Don’t it. If you are not musically inclined you can press 0 and listen to The Lord’s Prayer.”

“Thank you for calling the XYZ Phone Company. You call is important to us. You are now number three in the queue and an operator will be with . . . . Oh shit! The fire alarm has just gone off and everyone has to evacuate the building. Goodbye.”